50 Lines.
Due Saturday, 11:59PM PT.
Votes Due Monday, 11:59AM PT.
Giving y'all more time so shit might finish on time.
Challenge Week!
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...13#post8953813
@Cody Nash
vs
@Truth Iscariot
50 Lines.
Due Saturday, 11:59PM PT.
Votes Due Monday, 11:59AM PT.
Giving y'all more time so shit might finish on time.
Challenge Week!
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...13#post8953813
@Cody Nash
vs
@Truth Iscariot
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Foshow
Check and GL
AI
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Blood River
There's a river where my mother was murdered and left for dead -
where the fish nibbled her body 'til the blood wasn't as red...
brown stains on the rocks, too exhausted to run again...
I was just hiding inside a log that was up and around the bend.
men surrounded her carcass...one yelled to the other, "FIND HIM!"
I could see it was me they wanted; dogs barked as he jogged behind 'em.
heart pulsing, stomach was climbin'...pleasant day - but I was tired...
emotionally distraught; my mama's gone and I was cryin'...
we were just mindin' our own, walkin' the rocks we always did
papa had gone to hunt... me and mom took the day to fish..
Thunder crash...no muzzle flash, I must've been lookin' away from them,
I couldn't see where it came from, mom stepped until her face was in -
directly touching the riverbed...nose inside of the pebbles,
red swirls inside my reflection when I tried to bend to her level
I was growling with pain and misery, more thunder; the rocks went skittering
I wanted to fight for her, but flight was all that was gripping me..
running was breaking free, and I found that hollowed out stump...
I jumped inside, I was just hiding...and I could smell the aroma of skunk
men were rifling through the trees, their rifles cradled in a hug,
I heard an angry one say the words, "They go for $8,000 a cub..."
Mama laid there bleeding, my heart screaming, papa is gone...
remembering the hole I saw in her head, how the look of her steps was wrong
I'd never forget the fall on a summer day... it felt nightmarishly long
the skunk ran in the open and everything went slow motion - anxiety for the dogs.
because they tracked me to that rodent...but then they made it spray...
as the men shouted at their hounds...their hands waved in dismay.
I laid there for days...
When I finally left my post? It wasn't much of her left...
The men had left her to rot - the vultures got at her best.
I didn't get to say bye...and those men don't think I care,
they just wanted me for their circus...I woulda hated it there
I simply sat and I stared - her splattered brain on the rocks,
I just wanted so bad to walk away with my mom...
summer sun on my fur... salmon caught in my jaw...
now I'm going down river all alone as I walk,
scared of everything, skittish, from the hope that I've lost.
dreams of kisses, sleepy cuddles, things a mama bear does,
but they made a boy a man when they got me to run.
stockphoto.jpg
There's a river where my mother was murdered and left for dead -
where the fish nibbled her body 'til the blood wasn't as red...
brown stains on the rocks, too exhausted to run again...
I was just hiding inside a log that was up and around the bend.
In the realm of Eldengreen mythical beasts roamed free
Scaly Basilisks hunted seas, Harpies littered emerald trees
There was Centaur clans, roaming Karkadanns
But most Majestic were the Dragons…
My 13th birthday had arrived with fanfare and parades of battle wagons
As is custom I had my first drink from my Fathers favorite flagon
It burned in a worthy way. I only worried that the Eldengreen recognize me a man!
Today is the day of my showing! Time to prove I could command
The king of all beasts with an unwavering hand
You see it’s said the Eldest of my line, Lord Aruk, tamed the first fire breather in long lost ages
Our greatest historians have searched our texts for the pages
Containing the secret to harnessing the Dragons rage which
Gave Aruk the edge in becoming King
Alas they’ve found no such thing and dragons only bend to our bound blood
So each father has trained each son In how to tame the fire beasts
And time for my showing had dawned, I was to fly with dragons finally
My father took me to the flying fields which cowered below bending hills
Their great green stature gave a mountain appeal cascaded by Sky’s of blueish still
His Dragon, Rothgar was by his side and let out a shrill calling cry
And dark wings filled the visions of my eyes as 1000 dragons ventured forth to reply
Swirling then landing in a regal way my father looked down at me and began to say
“Go forth my son so you can know each dragons bond
For one was born for you alone and for your service spawned”
I took anxious steps towards the mammoth beasts their scales shimmering in different shades
Bloodish reds and midnight blues which held my untrained gaze
I walked the circle of Dragons for hours before coming to one tinted like muddied Gold
He bowed to me, and finally! A dragon of my own
My father said, “Behold the bond long lasting and unending
To begin you must KNOW you are blood of the chosen. No acting or pretending
Climb atop your Dragon, clear your mind and let your souls mingle as one
Name your dragon what is whispered to you by the gods beneath this hallowed sun”
I climbed my dragon and leaned into its massive frame
It felt only thick scales separated I and the flame
As if by command I could breathe the damning inferno myself
Focusing mightily on our oneness I pray the gods their help
And as eternity flashed in a second
The dragons name did beckon…
“FALKFIRE”!!!
My father rejoiced, “and so it is done, follow your father you’re now a man son
And As he lifted in air the other dragons followed suit
Falkfire reared and the skies seemed to clear as I shed my boyish youth
Now a man, one day to rule the Eldengreen
that I stare at from above in this flying scene
AI
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Ooph. This battle is a hard one to vote on
Cry, dig the brother bear piece. I feel it's one of your weaker pieces technically this season but conceptually I dug it and the little bread crumbs you left through out the piece. Flowed pretty well from start to finish as you usually keep your syllables tight. Emotional concept. Overall a solid narrative.
Truth, probably your best piece I've read topically. Wonderful narrative. There were times my vote was leaning towards you. I think was kept me from completely going your way was that your syllables and rhyme scheme was a bit too loose compared to Nash and your wording got a bit sloppy at times. Had you polished it up more and kept a sharper piece, you would've definitely taken this and very well still could depending on other voters preference. As far as the theme goes and the concept. Awesome job bro
I got Nash taking this technically but Truth put up one hell of a fight and I was struggling to go either way most of the time.
Nash
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Storytelling in its finest decree
Nash- kept the words bound to the eyes for real. The succelent rapture you drew with the metaphors just sheer elegance. I would rather not point the bad in anything because this is to the writers ability so i shall keep that point out of which i felt you could have excluded. The brothers keeper twist as an ode to his mother was great. The story stayed intact all the way through and the rhythm never lost a beat. Was easily keen to finding the end rhymes that kept the usage of words to its most punctual. Great drop.
Truth- to be honest with you topical wise i havent read anything as quiet detail nor rivetting from you like this. You did out duel yourself here honestly. The brilliance you kept notating and the wording was clean. The dictation and control of the story is what got me reading through and wanting more to see how the story would unfold and bask in a twist yet keep to its detail of narrative. Loved the emotion you fed into this as well and the mechanics were just on point.
This is a tough battle to choose from. Honestly both came swinging but for the sheer delight of ones opinion reading i have to go with
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Truth
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
1-1
Bump
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Yeah, this is in the too hard basket for me. Both were so good.
Amazing story telling skills. Exciting reads, action packed.
Impressive writing. Stories were visual - believable.
They were fast and real and I like both - the dragon and the bear. Plus they're different but equally brilliant; hard to vote.
I love Truths elegance and sophistication in another era. I admire his ability to become a character and we forget we're reading
a character. Truth spun a tale majestically.
Cody did the same, effective rhymes falling naturally. Two stories in one. Emotions galore. Disney in my head. Such a pulse in the read.
Truth, I loved reading your piece. I wanted to keep reading because you pulled me in to the atmosphere you create with your words. You wrote powerful words. I enjoyed that you carried the role right through to the end -
and landed by not landing - but by flying. Bliss.
Cody, you make it look effortless. Testament to great writing. You say it like its real.
I had to look away a few times, I cringed. True. My heart hurt with the story and I looked away with my hands over my eyes trying not to think of the images … but it got me.
Very entertaining match, so so close.
V - Cody
2-1
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
This is getting slept on. Loved both verses. Honestlystory telling fire.
Nash, I thought this was an absolute beast of a piece. The story pulled me in from the first line. And got better as it progressed. Definitely pulling at the heart strings. Great imagery and a polished flow. I have zero complaints. Dope verse.
Truth, I really like your story. It was imaginative, well paced. You did great job of selling the unique setting you created. From a creativity and narration stand point, this was absolutely fuego. My only knocks are minor nuances in flow and wording (for your service spawned felt unnatural to me for example). That's not to say there's anything bad about your flow or wording, but I definitely feel like Nash out performed you in those areas. Still a very enjoyable verse.
Super close. But I gotta go with the more polished piece.
Vote - Nash
Nas
3-1
Nash Wins. Will post new battles soon. Thank you yo those who voted.
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Originally Posted by Wuxia